Wednesday, September 28, 2011

My final entry about Satchmo

You may or may not have noticed that I changed the title to this blog a while back.  I have not been able to talk about this or even think about this until now.

In July, my companion and my friend, Satchmo started seizing and the vet could not get the seizures to stop.  He stayed overnight at the vet but they were unsuccessful in stopping the seizures.  The next morning, I went to the vets and held my little boy.  It was difficult because of the spasms, but I spoke to him and petted him and told him how much I loved him.  I told him he would soon feel better and I would stay with him. 

I held him while life left him. 

I cried and cried and thought I would die, too.  Even as I write this I am crying.  But that is not the reason for the post. 

I opted to have Satchmo cremated and my vet was able to facilitate it for me.  Two days later, I was called to pick up his ashes.   I cried when I picked up that little sack with my boy's remains in it.  I brought it in the house and set it on the floor in my room.  I have not been able to touch it since.  He is still where I placed him.

Austen went to the vet yesterday for shots.  While I was there, the vet tech said, "I have something I think you might like to have."  She went into the back and came back out with a baggie that had a disc in it.  She said she had come across this when she was organizing shelves in the back.  When I looked at the disc, it was a paw-print of my boy.  I cried.

But I think receiving that paw-print was good for me.  Since I brought that home, I have begun a search for a vessel to keep my boy in, so I can keep him with me always.  I'm still very sad and I miss him terribly.
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